Have you ever poured energy into feeling better, only to have it slip away, or to relapse into old patterns? Ever identified a problem in your life, feel as though you have conquered it, only to experience its ugly return? This post is for you! To illustrate my point, let me begin by telling you a little about myself.

I am, and have always been, the queen of “all or nothing” behavior. On any given day, I am likely to be subsiding on Timmy’s double doubles, cookies and plain pasta, while having Netflix marathons in a messy house. Other times, you’ll find me eating dairy free, gluten free, sugar free, with my dinner plate piled high with vegetables and lean protein, and drinking copious amounts of water. During these times, you’re likely to see me climbing the grind, hitting the gym, or see me jogging around town. You’re welcome to randomly drop by my house any time because it’ll be spotless.

Here’s a truth about me: I have, and always will, live with some degree of anxiety and depression. Through years of personal work I have learned that these “problems” impact my life in a less significant way when I am eating well, exercising, practicing gratitude, connecting regularly with loved ones and tuning into my spirituality. I am learning, albeit slowly, that one personal growth goal at a time is easier to maintain.

Before I say any more, I need to explain how I define a “problem.”

Problems are those unwelcome or harmful experiences that steal our self-worth and our ability to live with connection and joy. I (like all other Narrative Therapists) do my best to separate people from problems.

Our tag line is: the person is never the problem, the problem is the problem. To conquer the problem means naming it, identifying how the person engages with it, and standing up against it with words, actions, and allies. Problems develop in the context of our immediate environment as well as the larger social system we live in. A few examples are poverty, racism, divorce, death, complicated school, health and justice systems, and (I think) most importantly, societal expectations of who we are supposed to be. So to bring it back to my above disclosure: I am not my anxiety, I experience the problem of anxiety which was born of ideas of perfectionism, motherhood, financial pressure and so on. The same is true of anger, violence, addiction, grief, self-loathing, relationship conflict and so on.

If you understood nothing of what I just said, perhaps simplicity is best: problems are problems. They influence us in shaming and silencing ways and work against the goals we have for ourselves.

I’ve come to believe it is near impossible to escape our lifetime without experiencing a problem or two.

Problems have one goal: to destroy our personal progress, health, well-being, and ability to live a life of joy. And here is the crux: they do not yield easily .

This is incredibly important information to be armed with as you embark on your own path of healing, personal growth, recovery, or whatever the label is that you give your journey. Because problems will rear their ugly head at some point, perhaps weeks, months, or years after lying dormant. When I work with clients, I am quick to tell them: growth is not linear. It does not have a start and end point. A description I find fitting is an upward spiral. As you move through your problem-fighting process, you move up the spiral. Inevitably you will slide down, but not back to the bottom, never as far as you once were. And even if your slide is a big one, you will use your new skills, insights, and confidence to rise up higher on the spiral. And so the cycle will progress. Grow and slide. Repeat. Grow and slide. Repeat. Eventually, the return of a problem can be fought in days, or minutes, or barely be a flicker on the radar at all.

So this post is meant to cheer you on. Get back on the wagon! Get back on the horse! This relapse is temporary and expected. Practice self-compassion. And next time you see me out for a jog, celebrate my personal victory, as I celebrate yours.

Wishing you peace,

Christina